LOVE

In Loving Memory of My Mother, 記念我的母親, 寫於 4/5/2004

A Gift of Life and Love--Written by Dr. Trudy Hu on 4/5/2004 in Chinese and published on 5/10/2011 in English

Dedicated To My Mother:

I understand the pain of birth and creation now, but you have long gone.

I understand the wisdom of resiliency now,

but you are nowhere to be found.

Now I understand the transformation of devastation that you

had undertaken, like the excruciating process of generating

a breathtaking pearl.

You dedicated your life as a trailblazer to enlighten the darkness.

Your strength and character have been burnished and crystallized

like the luminescent gem stones in the humble womb of Mother Nature.

Your virtue and intelligence, as a foundation stone, shines

dashingly like a diamond embraced by a purified heart of gold.

It is hard to let you go but I can see you and feel you in the forces

of life, in the cycle of life, and in the heavenly water from the Cascade.

Your ultimate beauty of sacrifice and everlasting love is manifested

through budding leaves in the Spring,

fragrant blooms in the Summer,

withering colors and sighing in the Fall,

and the vibrant evergreens in the barren Winter.

Hereby, I bid you a final goodbye.

Your passing is still a mystery (July, 1999).

But surely you left me a gift of life and love.

Your Grace, Mercy, and Legacy will guide me through the lonely wilderness.

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The Long Version:

You were born into a fisherman's family.

You grew up in a small island west of Taiwan,

as a Japanese colony in 1930s.

You were expected to do more laborious hard work than

your 3 elder brothers, and raised your younger sister and

brother at the age of 9.

But I was too young to understand the hardship that you have endured.

As a young girl in that era, the opportunity of education

and career was denied. You used to say to me that you

would have several doctoral degrees, if you were given

the chance of education.

But I was too young to understand the denial that you have endured.

You met Father at 21, who was a Navy officer post Chinese

Civil War and followed the withdrawn military from China to

Taiwan in 1949. You were banished and disowned by your

own father because it was unacceptable for a native Taiwanese

girl to marry a poor soldier from China.

But I was too young to understand the abandonment that you have endured.

As a military wife with 3 young children living in a shack,

you struggled to make the ends meet, while father was sent

out for missions all year around.

When people asked you to go to church, you secretly prayed

that "I do not know who you are, God, but if you give me a

house, I will believe you."

A few weeks later, the little shack was burn down and you were

assigned to a small military house in a Navy base (Tso-Yin, 左營).

You were humbled and grateful to the almighty and omniscient God.

Later, you started to work as a seamstress after you were rejected

to receive a loan in order to take your sick child to see a doctor.

But I was too young to understand the helplessness and the

grief that you have endured.

Your sewing business was expanded to edging, tailoring to

embroidery. You purchased 3 machines from Japan. You worked

from 6am to 1-3am everyday while Father was still at sea and

returned home once every 1-2 years. You worried about his safety

during the unpredictable typhoon seasons with all sorts of shipwreck

news. You also tolerated some rude customers' complaints and insults.

You still had to cook, clean, educate and discipline the rebellious

and insolent behaviors of your children.

But I was too young to understand the agony that you have endured.

When your customers suffered physical and mental pain, you always

offered a helping hand.

When your friends were in sadness, you closed the shop, visited

and comforted them.

When you reached out to your neighbors whose souls and spirits

were disturbed, the disturbed soul yelled out, "Don't enter her

house. Her house is protected by the Holy Ghost."

You were amazed by others' invisible vision.

But I was too young to understand the awe and disguised blessings

that you have received from the Lord.

Before the annual College Entrance Exam, I asked you if I should

put down National Taiwan University (NTU) as an option because

I only considered Teacher Colleges which were tuition & fee free.

You said to me, "Why don't you put down the top choices of the top

university (NTU)?"

While my high school teacher said to me, "It doesn't matter if you

put down NTU as a choice or not because you will never enter the

top school anyway."

However, I entered the #1 department in the #1 university which was

the only one option that I put down among all other teacher colleges.

But I was too young to understand my self-worth and potential that

you had nurtured inside me.

You opened a jewelry box and asked me to take some jewelries before

my departure to USA.

I chose a silver cross necklace and you asked me, "Why don't you take

the gold rings, diamond bracelets or necklaces?"

But I was too young to understand your sorrow about my upcoming

overseas journey and long-term separation between us by the Pacific Ocean.

Years later, I returned home temporally as a young bride.

During the noisy wedding banquet, my mother-in-law dressed like

a bride but I was forbidden to wear the dresses and jewelries I

purchased myself.

Silently, you gave me a diamond ring on a gold band which was

the only ring that I cherished.

But I was too young to understand that you saw all the humiliation

under layers of the hypocrisy with your piercing senses.

When your grandchildren were sick in Taiwan, you and Father took

turn to take care of them in their homes or in hospitals.

When my first daughter, G., was born in California, you and Father

helped me out for 6 months while I was completing the internship

alone with a newborn baby. You made all her baby clothes day and night.

Every stitch of her baby clothes bears the witness of your maternal love.

You even flew to Singapore to help your eldest daughter, wealthy

son-in-law and their 3 teenagers, even though you suffered from a

severe medical condition.

You told me that you worried about your aging husband who might

get sick by working too hard to support your eldest daughter's family

in Singapore.

You tolerated your son-in-law's long-term abuse and comments to his

3 teen girls in a luxurious spacious apartment (paid by his affluent

company) in Singapore; "Go to study now. It is not your job to do

kitchen works. It is your grandparents’ job to do the cooking and

cleaning jobs."

After you had some cold symptoms, you were sent back from

Singapore to Taiwan alone in May, 1999, because they still needed

Father's domestic help in Singapore.

When the plane arrived, you were too ill to walk out of the airplane

by yourself. My younger brother burst into tears when he saw you

being carried out by a group of kind-hearted strangers from the plane

to the gate of the terminal.

A few days later, you were diagnosed with a lung cancer in a final stage.

I was full of rage and anger but you still tamed my temper in the hospital.

You said to me on your deathbed that you did that out of

unconditionally parental love.

But I was too young to understand the unbearable anguish and

heartaches that your own children imposed upon you and the

unconditional love you gave us until your last breath.

I understand the pain of birth and creation now, but you have long gone.

I understand the wisdom of resiliency now, but you are nowhere to be found.

Now I understand the transformation of devastation that you had

undertaken, like the excruciating process of generating a breathtaking pearl.

You dedicated your life as a trailblazer to enlighten the darkness.

Your strength and character have been burnished and crystallized like the luminescent gem stones in the humble womb of Mother Nature.

Your virtue and intelligence, as a foundation stone, shines dashingly

like a diamond embraced by a purified heart of gold.

It is hard to let you go but I can see you and feel you in the forces

of life, in the cycle of life, and in the heavenly water from the Cascade.

Your ultimate beauty of sacrifice and everlasting love is manifested

through budding leaves in the Spring,

fragrant blooms in the Summer,

withering colors and sighing in the Fall,

and the vibrant evergreens in the barren Winter.

Hereby, I bid you a final goodbye.

Your passing is still a mystery (July, 1999).

But surely you left me a gift of life and love.

Your Grace, Mercy, and Legacy will guide me through the lonely wilderness.

Love,

Dr. Trudy Hu, 胡慧菁博士, 心理精神科醫生

My Mother's daughter

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To Mr. Mike Hsing (邢献雄)::written by Dr. Trudy Hu on 7/8/2016 in Taiwan

Last night, during the typhoon's harsh blowing and damage, God gives me the inspiration.

When 2 women claimed that the baby was hers (one real mom and one thief mom), King Soloman told these two mothers that cut the baby into half and gave half of the baby to each claimed real mother. The real mom gave up the baby for the baby's survival. The thief mom did not care about the baby's survival.

You claimed that you do not want to deal with difficult rental management, refuse to pay for all the damage, fire-hazard electrical system and insurance policy, and you need to care about my sister's "incompetency" and her "long term care", why do you insist to claim 100% ownership of my mother's hard-earned asset?

God has given me the instruction how to proceed this "complicated" issue. This shop/house issue is simple but the person is complicated.

After the typhoon's damage, only the real house/shop owners are working hard to take care of the house/shop.

During the harsh winds blowing during the mid-night around 4am-8am today (7/8/2016) , God also gives me the words, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

God gave me all the images of the film, Revenant, and clearly told me that "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

In the film of Revenant, Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) said "Hawk (his son) is all I got and Fitzgerald killed him."

My mother was all I got and she was used and abused.

My father was all I got and he was used and abused. His monthly income for daily survival was stolen.

My brother was all I got and he was used and abused.

My elder sister was all I got and she was used and abused under your "care" for 30 years. You claim her to be cognitive incompetent (失智).

My family love relationship was all I got and all the relationship was killed and vanished.

I am the only owner in this shop and I am surely used and abused before and now.

My parents' shop (my mom's shop) is all I got and it will surely be used, abused and abandoned after its value is gone.

During the strong and scary winds blowing non-stop this early morning (7/8/2016), God revealed all the words and images of "Revenant" and clearly told me that "It is mine to avenge; I will repay."

All you want in life is to become an American. Even though you were able to produce an anchor baby 23 years ago during your stay in Texas for just 1 year, you are not a true American but a fraud, just like Obama and his fraud social security numbers for Ivy League scholarships. After your eldest daughter's 2-month summer internship (2008) at Portland, Oregon, with the goal of looking for a US citizen for marriage did not fulfill, your oldest daughter was able to find a young man, who you and your whole family disapproved but he is a Taiwanese boy with a US passport. However, she and her husband are not real Americans. I am a true American because I have to work more than 15 to 17 years in America as a free or a cheap labor, living in a humble place without a luxurious bed or a fancy car or furniture. I live in a brutal pioneering environment like Hugh Glass and his son, Hawk, and constantly facing the survival crises from the harsh nature, evil competitors, murderous betrayal without any help. After 15 to 17 years of hard life, I have earned the US citizenship but I could not afford to buy a plane ticket to see my parents during those years and suffered the grief of losing my family "murdered" by you. You are greedy and sneaky just like Hillary who "murdered" so many American people but can come clean as a future powerful woman president. Americans can not be recognized by skin colors, ethnic roots, or simply a US passport, approved by US Department of States, ironically headed by Hillary. The true citizenship can be shown through the unforgiving wind blowing in bleak winter, the whisper in the abandoned wildness, the naked value system while you have nothing to hold unto, and the divine guidance and words of the Lord. I am sure that you will be proud to be a person with an American passport soon and then continue to "steal", "rob" and "kill" for your gain, power, and greed, just like Obama and Hillary and the greedy hypocritical and murderous immigrants that they have attracted which is exactly like the pioneer prototype, portrait by Mr. Fitzgerald in the film of "Revenant".

All I can do is to pray to the Lord, in the Bible, God say, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay."

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”